I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
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Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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