So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Randomize
