The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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