D3 body, D1 cock
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
