I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
