It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
