i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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