Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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