today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
