so that wasnt chicken after all
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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