What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
