I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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