Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
