Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
