the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
And then he peed in my hair
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