I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
