Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
