Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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