so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
