I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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