then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
