How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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