i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
