when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
