i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
