It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize