Yo dont text me then not text me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
