you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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