She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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