Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
