I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
