When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
