'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
