Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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