remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Houston, we have a blender
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I enjoy the company of your penis
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
