I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize