Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
