..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
