Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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