Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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