i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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