we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
