Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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