I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
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Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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