who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize