I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
