She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
