your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
