we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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