Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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