my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
