Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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