Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
