Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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