Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
