You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
