Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
