So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
