did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
