I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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