Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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