so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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