nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
