it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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